Say goodbye to SADNESS

Look at the fucking date...

Three and almost a fourth year since the last post to this bloggggggg...

And the resurrection has been enabled.

A couple of thousand words have appeared and the block has been de'd.

Inspiration has appeared in the weirdest of places, but also, for those who know me, the most normal of places.

Hey Toxic Mother, BANG BANG.

BAck again soon? Probably not...

When Bitterness Can Be Sweet...

Never seen a block as large as the one sitting in front of me now. Nothing now in more than two weeks, just blankness where Stuart is concerned. I say where Stu is concerned because some creativeness is flowing, slowly, but within the musical side of my battered muse. A song is slowly being created, working title of "In Your Tide", that is full of bitterness and bile. Don't think it will ever see the light of day, not without being toned down. The feelings within it are magnified for poetic purposes, but the germ is real.

As for the book, I don't know what is happening, there is just no momentum at the moment. Maybe it is because the last few chapters have been such an emotional ride for me that I need to have a recharge of the batteries. Maybe it is because of hidden reasons or maybe it is because I know that, deep inside, what I am doing is a worthless piece of shit. We shall see, possibly.

Paid A Greek To listen To Me Speak...

Tis been a bit, how shall we put it, laboured. Starting to nudge towards the 60,000 word mark but it has been difficult.

In reference to the last post, I pressed send and got a very nice reply, including a picture. I hoped for nothing, so I sent it all to the recycle bin and CC'd it. I feel cleansed. I feel like shit.

Ah well. Stuart has got his watch back, only to have it stolen again to complete the never ending cycle of the 9,192,631,770 vibrations of the cesium-133 atom. Must be hard being that bloody (or bleddy) poor little atom. Miss out a couple of vibrations each second and the whole planet could fall apart, which actually links in nicely with this whole thing.

Managed to 'accidently' download the leaked "At War With The Mystics" album today. First of all, must say, The Flaming Lips have done it again. It is an awesome work of musical genius. But the reason it is mentioned here is that the opening track, "Yeah Yeah Yeah Song", deals with the predicament that Stuart is trying to fight his way through. How far will you go, in your blinkered selfishness, to fulfill your personal needs. Kill the world? We shall see...

I am envious of you...

"YOU PREACH WITHOUT A RIGHT..."

Sorry, I was Wrong...

Honest, I tried to sleep. Started watching Shameless but then something kicked in and I ended up writing another thousand or so words.

This is becoming so difficult. I need to get this thing finished so I can get on with my life.

As for Stuart, he is now in a room in Geneva, back from Annecy and the death of Raymonde, and about to face The Superiors. Sometimes it really is as if something else is writing this book, I start a chapter, knowing where we are going and all of a sudden I have written something completely unexpected. It was supposed to be just a fleeting visit to Annecy but it ended up as a hugely emotional ride. It brought a lot of things into perspective for myself personally, my recent behavior, my distrust, my felling of inadequacy, my need for having my ego stroked. I have written a very personal and important email to someone, all I now need to do is click on send.

But on a lighter note...

Jehovahkill?

Rue Des Cygnes, Your Blue Room...

Progress is slow, but steady, steadily slow. I feel like messing things up again so that I can get the momentum back again. I have decided, though, that whether this thing works or not, when I finish writing all about Mr Pidd, things are going to change. I fancy a bit of travel to places I have never been, nor ever thought about visiting. I've hit, to borrow from The Lips, I think I've hit a psychic wall, and no, I am not changing my name to Patrick.

Again, something that has nothing to do with "Yesterday Is Another Day", but I went to see the Archdrude last night, at the wonderful Bristol Academy. Man that guy knows how to be a rock star, without the pretensions or the cliches. Just now got to wait patiently for The Flaming Lips! 61 days to go...



So, where is Stuart now? I am sure you are asking as I type. Well, he is on the way back from Calais after setting fire to The Lady's car, buying cheese and some sheap red wine. He also hopes that he has pissed off the Superior Beings enough, but not too much. He still don't know what the consequences would/will be. But he don't care anymore, he is doing what he wants and I am starting to realise the auto-biographical slant on all of this.

So, to the King Of Chaos!

Yknaaa!

Crawling To Target...

Ah, so a few days has passed, but I have managed to drag myself to this place again. Sorry about the last post, but when something like that happens, it tends to need saying.

First the bad weather...

Just poked my way past 45,000 words. It aint so much a writers block that has slowed progress, more the fact that things have been pretty good for the last week or two. When I say pretty good, I mean compared to the four or five weeks previous. I am so glad that certain things have happened, I have been spun a certain line before, but this is the first time it has ever actually been said with honesty, and I am thankful to that person. And I mean what i said about the job offer.

Might of said this before, but that time I was wrong. I have now written the last chapter and it is wonderfully messed up. Basically what happens at the end is this...

As if...

But Stuart is happy for now, so am I, but that is all subject to change, so watch this space.

The other thing that is getting in the way is that I have started to return to my first love, music. The other day I wrote my first song for about 6 years and tonight I wrote another one. I am pouring out things that, maybe, should go into the book, but they are too personal. I have confessed things over the last couple of weeks that I never thought would reach another living soul, and to the person who has been there, I will always remember your patience and understanding. Just do not trivialise your own suffering.

Always the short one...

Easier said than done...

Please Forgive Me...

This is nothing to do with the book, this is to do with something more important than I could ever write.

This is for Liam, a beautiful kid, who was a friend of Sam, my Nephew and of our family. I say was, because he died yesterday, one day away from his seventh birthday. I only met him a few times but that was enough, he was cool as fuck.

Love and thoughts to his family...

God Bless.

Thug Helicopter Ón Aer Chór

Ah, so here we are again. Some numbers to start us off today;-

Words - 34,694

Characters (no spaces) - 150,506

Characters (with spaces) - 186,927

Paragraphs - 589

And so, what has been happening. I am becoming fearful that someone out there will not be too happy about the parts of this book that relate to her. I think she might get a bit pissed off and rip my balls off (although she might need longer arms than I suspect she has). I am having fun with her persona and I think Stuart is enjoying her company.

As for the story itself, it is now getting to the point where the material that leads to the ending is starting to develop.

Also, once again, I have written something that had me almost in tears (No, not cos it is badly written or the like) and is difficult for me to read again (ditto) without feeling my heart start to break. Some of the most emotional parts of this book are inspired by, but not necessarily about, my very recent past so the cuts are still visible to any one who cares to look.

Anyway, just about to start the nineteenth chapter.

Ciao Ceausescu...

My Only Need Gives One Less Idiot Apathy...

So, where are we. Sitting here trying to keep the momentum going within the world of Mr P. Added a couple of thousand words in the last couple of days. I am trying to keep the middle part of the book interesting, but since I realized what the ending was going to bring, it seems to be getting a bit meandering. I think some editing may be in order.

I have decided to bring one of the characters that appeared in Lisbon back as an accomplice to The Lady. Not only to help out the narrative, but also to appease the person she is based on, might even get a free holiday out of it, ;-)

Also, I may have a deadline for this thing. I have been offered something that, on the surface, scares the shit out of me, but the deeper I dig, the more I am sold on this opportunity. This is a chance to do something so potentially wonderful that I really want to have the guts and belief in myself to do it. First of all, though, I need to get on a horse and have a bit of a trot around the equestrian centre. Yehaaa!

By the way, if this book thing comes to anything, I know the people who shall be partly to blame. You won't be forgotten. Just sorry to you lot for giving you grief and too many repetitive texts/messages.

I know what I feel and what I want...

Oh, and I have rediscovered my past CLICK HERE to see some of it...

No Good, No Why, Not Bad, But I Can't Stop now...

Bloody hell, that was a bit of a wall to climb over. Twenty four hours without being able to get a single word out. But thanks to a certain person for giving me two words to inspire me. I didn't use them, but it got me thinking. Thanks!

Two bits of news, just managed to scrape thru' the 30,000 words mark and also got my first rejection slip yesterday. I feel like a proper rejected author now!

Kilimanjaro

Let Me In...

Okay, this ain't funny, I have been staring at the words "Chapter -13" now for almost an hour and a half and still no words are appearing underneath. I just don't know what is about to happen, so, as usual, I drink too see what happens.

I am not really surprised, if I am to be honest, that progress is slow. There are lots of things on my mind that I need to sort out first. I have images going round my head of an event I have no control over but I still feel responsible for. It is like a recurring dream that requires no sleep and although I require sleep, I cannot.

At least some good news on the Rams front, Mr Brown has gone and now hopefully we can regain some pride. I must admit, by the way this has nothing to do with the book, that at first I thought he might of been a good choice to replace the much missed Mr Burley, but it soon became clear he had no idea what he was doing.

Nothing more to say except we are just nudging the 29,000 mark (it might stay that way for a while) and I also know what Stuarts real name is.

Over-aged And Slowing Down

Why is the middle wave so shy?

First of all, because it won't be read by the intended, but at least it is there if need be. Big thanks to "The Boys" for last nights Moet Chandon, I've no idea what we were celebrating, but it certainly was appreciated by all the "Poets".

I feel like I am becoming some sort of self-obsessed ego maniac. "I'm writing a book, here have a look" (thrusting of bad grammar filled pages into the face). I am surprised the people at work have not dropped me down to a level below "Nick the TwatTM" in the weirdo stakes. I'm even starting to scare myself off with some things and I am sure that if someone came up behind me and called me Stuart, I would respond.

I am still tapping away slowly, don't know what the word count is now, but last I checked it was touching 27,000. Stuart is currently on the train coming back from South Wales having his mind read by The Lady. Still can't decide what she looks like, I can imagine all the other characters (the few that exist) but she is still some sort of transient person. I think she is probably beautiful but only when you get past the ugliness.

I am off to trip thru the wires now but not before offering big hugs to the ever loyal Princess Rowan for introducing me to the world of Fernando Pessoa via "The Book Of Disquiet". http://nescritas.nletras.com/poetsinenglish/fpessoaeng/archives/2008_01.html

Yerself Is Steam...

Everything In It's Wrong Place

25K reached and I am chomping on cheese twists and listening to "Kid A" as a mild celebration.

I think the last two weeks have been amongst the hardest I have attempted to endure, maybe the hardest since the grenouille disappeared from my life all those years ago. Then I let myself wallow in my self pity and despair whereas this time, I have at least let this creativeness help me along with my wallowing.

(Catherine, if you are reading this, Stuart is coming your way soon and if you are not reading this, then he still will be.)

Anyway, munchies await...

"The best you can is good enough"

Saw The Adams Family Twice Today....

Stuart has been on his first holiday. He was in Lisboa, Portugal, for a couple of days and would like to say a big thank you to Princess Rowan for her translations. He is back now, although, he has not been yet!

The word count is now well past the 20,000 mark and careering along in that aimless way that tortoises don't.

Now this may come as a slight surprise, but, I honestly had no idea, until very recently, where this whole thing was going to end up. I just thought it would reach a logical conclusion at the same point that the hero was born. But no, I now have a definite ending in mind. I must admit it was difficult, due to the emotional impact that certain, recent events, have had on me but I revisited one of the possible avenues that my recent life could of taken me and took it to, what would of been, a wonderful conclusion. It hurt me to write one particular paragraph, and I cannot re-read it without feeling heartache, but it gave me the ultimate goal that Stuart is heading, backwards, towards.

Giraffe

Knee Jerk, Knee Jerk, Knee Jerk...

So, a question to which I don't have the answer. How many books of fiction are based on the common theme of good against evil? I am trying to think about this and all the books I can think of ARE about this increasingly common thread. Most, maybe even all of Mr P's are. I am not well enough read to consider much more, but, in my recollection, the majority, if not ALL are about the pre mentioned battle. It keeps coming back, good against evil, and no matter how hard I try to re-direct, "Yesterday Is Another Day" is careering down this common road. It was not and IS not meant to be, but I can not stop its relentless direction.

So is that all there is? Is the whole of our existence centered in concentric circles around this simple premise. Good versus Bad? Love versus Hate? Derby versus Forest? Can we not escape it's gravitational pull, can we not become more than these two polar opposites? Can't we have good and bad separated by, I dunno, quite nice and a bit naughty? Surely it does not have to be a divisive Black Or White?

Anyway, 16,440 words and progressing nicely.

She only gave in to her anger...

Will Oldham Sings Like A Goat

Ah, the bollockity crabs start munching away at the novel. There I sit, tapping away, feeling chuffed to bits at the speed of the progress when something happens that leads to expletives and head scratching. I wasn't even thinking about this part of the book but it leapt out at me anyway. Yep, there it was, not an inaccuracy, but a bloody great big impossibility.

So I sent of three texts to the selected few who I harass into boredom on a regular basis to tell them what had happened and then spent the next hour going through my indiscretion to smooth out this bumpiness. It made my head hurt. It was hidden (not my head), I must admit, but it was defiantly there.

So, got it sussed and then cracked on with the book. And now, actually this feels a bit like when they used to announce the latest amount raised on Blue Peter's latest appeal, the word count is now....

Trumpets...

13,913 words!!! Also, I feel more importantly, I have finished the first section. Mr P has finished off his first few days on earth and is now going to have a few days of mundanity.

Oh, and Mr H, just for you, him and Kate do shag...

Infernal Pain In My Chest

How long does it take to reject me? It is almost 36 hours since I made my first submission to Snowflake, and still nothing. Come on people, I need my depression.

There is a problem I am finding. I am using microsoft Word (deliberate small M) to write my opus. Which is fine, good spell check, although the grammar checker is really starting to piss me off, but then you get to the real world, by which I mean Messenger, and all of a sudden BANG! No. You can't go back and correct the spelling can you. Bloody hell. I don't think i have ever inflicted as many spelleng, I mean SPELLING, mistakes as I have tonight on the always patient Tink.

So, how is it goin' I hear you ask. Well, pretty good. I keep getting bogged down in the very complicated stuff like "What shall I call the pub?" but the easy stuff, like explaining the mystery of the Pyramids and the whole time-space continuum stuff is easy.

Until tomorrow,

My Fingers Hurt

Just passed the 10,000 words mark, thought you might like to know!

Aloha!

Take Me Snowbooks...

There's a hole in my heart, it's a slowdown! I know where that comes from, do you?

Okay, look up a couple of lines.... Okay, got it, you can now download the first part of "Yesterday Is Another Day" free gratis and un-virused. This is the same part of the book that I thrust upon the first of my, hopefully not many, potential publishers this afternoon.

Tell you what though, that writers block thing they go on about has hit today. One hundred words in about two hours and fourteen painkillers. Didn't help that I was also trying to decide if a person could write the events of that day in their diary before they had lived it. Okay, yeah, you could plan your day, but write a report on it? So I just told myself my pin number and went to get some beers to see if that would help. I'll let you know tomorrow if it works.

My time tonight is going so slow, think I need another line... L+P!

Sorry For The Sudden Appearance

I wish it hadn't happened, but now it has, I shall make the most.

Bad thing happens, I hit depression, questioning my existance and my reason within this place. I feel like shit. That was almost a week ago now. And "Yesterday Is Another Day" has gone from a little over 1500 words to almost 9000 in a few hard sweat, losing myself into despair and keyboard tapping sessions. 9000 words, that is approx 10-15% of a novel!

We now have a Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 0, Chapter -1 and an Intermission!

It is also, almost, starting to make some sort of sense. I shall tidy them up and, if I can suss it out, post them here for any poor deluded being to download.

Don't touch that button!